Santa’s Rules

The “4 F*%ks” of SantaCon

1. Don’t f*%k with children.

Santa does not make children cry.
Give kids toys, candy, something pleasant, or nothing at all.

2. Don’t f*%k with cops.

The police are there to keep us safe, but if you’re a jerk, you go to jail, its that simple.

3. Don’t f*%k with security guards.

They’re there to keep us safe too, and they’ll throw you out on your ass, or tell the cops you’re being a jerk. See rule #2.

4. Don’t f*%k with Santa.

We’re all there for a good time. Remember that!

Memorize the answers to questions that may arise:

• Who’s in charge? “Santa”
• What organization are you with? “Santa”
• What are you protesting? “Shitty holiday parties”
• How did you get here? “A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer”
• Where are you going next? “Put on this hat, buy me a drink, then I’ll tell

Your Evening’s Best Friends:

• Police Officers
• Security Guards
• Store Owners
• Laws
• Mom

The Forewarning’s / A Description of Santa

Santa is over 19 years old and carries goverment issued photo identification to prove it.

Santa dresses for all occasions. It’s December. Smart Santa’s wear multiple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment whether singing Christmas carols in the snow, or swinging from a stripper pole.

Santa doesn’t whine! We will be outside much of the day and covering some ground on foot—bring enough “snacks” to keep your pie-hole filled until we get indoors.

Holiday apparel is mandatory! A Santa hat is not enough. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Paint on a Santa suit. No money? Be creative! Glue cotton balls to red long johns. Make it purple. Make it pink.

Already have a Santa suit? Make a spare so Santa can assemble Santa-Friends or Santa-Strangers. REMEMBER SHARING IS CARING!

Past examples: Pimp Santa, Santa Garcia, Santa’s Naughty Little Helper, Candy Cane, Elf, Reindeer, Christmas tree, Chanukah Chicken, Santasaurus

Don’t be “that” Santa. Your friends want to have fun, not scrape the puke out your beard or prevent your wasted ass from wandering into traffic.

Pay your own bar tab! Tip the bartenders generously for putting up with us.

General Tips

The “schedule” is open to liberal interpretation by Santa. There is no Santa in charge to call the day of. [If you can't show up for the start, get the cell number of someone who can help you catch up later or look at the posted map & try to catch to us somewhere in the designated areas, or check the twitter account]